El Burro Borracho No Es Bueno

Kelly Lamrock reviews El Burro Borracho at The Rio.

In his hybrid career at the intersection of food and entertainment, Guy Fieri has never failed to draw strong opinions. He’s one of Food Network’s most bankable stars and a steady pop culture presence. He’s been mocked on Saturday Night Live as a guy who “dresses like he’s playing the sun in a school play” and his cuisine accused of being “violently assaulted with flavour”. A scathing New York Times review of his Times Square restaurant was a pop culture Rorschach Test, dividing those who see Fieri as an obnoxious interloper in the culinary world and the many fans who find his enthusiasm fun and enjoyable.

For my part, I’ve always been in the pro-Fieri camp. While I’m aware that he’s not a culinary genius or health advisor, I find him to be an amiable guide for those who respect the small places that do comfort food well. I think he gets too little credit for his love of diversity, as he frequently uses his shows to showcase regional and ethnic food for his audience.

And in Vegas, I enjoyed his restaurant at the Linq. In my two visits there, I found a fun atmosphere, a decently-curated drink menu, and a well-executed burger. It was just the kind of excess that you want in Vegas.

So it was that my party of four was quite looking forward to checking out Fieri’s new Mexican joint, El Burro Borracho (The Drunken Ass) during our Rio day. As a break between KISS Mini Golf, the Zipline and a Penn & Teller show, it seemed like just the ticket. (For more on our day at Rio, I will have a further post here at Vegas Bright).

Now, understand that Guy Fieri is a “love him or hate him” kind of figure. So I would expect that even if the restaurant failed, it would go down in a hail of ill-advised bold flavours and donkey sauce, a sort of noble culinary failure, which is why I’m surprised to be writing this next sentence.

This place was bland. Like Mexican food for a Pat Boone birthday party bland. Like the Plain White T’s covering Mariah Carey bland. This wasn’t a “chicken wrapped in a duck wrapped in a turkey” monstrosity. This was more “Twinkie wrapped in Velveeta wrapped in Wonder Bread”.

Allow me to provide detail.

We arrived at the restaurant to discover they were using that odd customer service trick where no one says hello or acknowledges you as you stand waiting to check in. This “guess what we will do” trick must be beloved by someone, because a number of Vegas spots are using it, but we found it odd. Once we were taken to our table, the service was friendly, quick and competent. The restaurant looks great, too. It is bright and colourful and has a nice view of the Rio beach and pool area. Visually, Fieri was well-served by his team from the décor to the tableware.

Really, until the food arrived, this was going to be a positive review. But it did.

I ordered two dishes that I thought would let the kitchen show its stuff – posole soup and a house salad topped with carne asada.

These are two favourites of mine. I first had posole on a business trip to Albuquerque and promptly ordered posole everywhere in New Mexico. The dish usually features spice-rubbed pork and hominy corn in a fiery broth with New Mexico red chiles, garlic and other spices to give it a kick.

This posole was not quite the same as those New Mexico originals. There was one large hunk of pork in the bowl that tasted like it had been placed in a slow cooker with no spicing at all. The texture was fine, but the flavour was simply not there. Instead of a spicy dish with the nutty hominy for contrast, this was boiled meat in a tomato/beef broth with more bland corn. This was a letdown.

The salad had potential, with a generous mix of good quality greens and veggies and a dressing that had a nice mix of cumin and lime. The carne asada, however, was not carne asada. Carne asada is a steak marinated in juices and spices then grilled. If diced, it is best diced after cooking so it can be served medium rare. What graced my salad was a good-sized mound of small cubes of unspiced steak, clearly diced before cooking so that it quickly became well-done, brown and chewy. This just wasn’t carne asada.

My girlfriend ordered some shrimp tacos, which were a bit more successful.

The shrimp was unspiced, but it was done to the right texture, and the spicy mayo gave it some personality, although it overpowered the nondescript fillings. The teenagers ordered chicken quesadillas and yucca fries that claimed to be seasoned. The chicken quesadillas were a good size but had no flavour in the shredded chicken at all. The fries tasted more of the freezer than any advertised seasoning.

The high points were an excellent jalapeño margarita, which had the real deal peppers well-muddled, and a nice smoky salsa that came out with the tortilla strips.

The lowest point, though, was the coconut “bread pudding”.

What arrived was a hunk of baguette soaked in coconut cream and served cold. I am a fan of bread pudding because it can be done many ways, but cold, wet bread is stretching this capacity to the breaking point.

I wanted this to be a good review. Our family likes Guy Fieri, and I was pleased when his Linq restaurant had some culinary substance to go with the style. But El Burro Borracho, at this point, would be a dining decision you’d have to be loco to try. This is not off the chain. This, Guy, is very much on the chain.

[Photos: Kelly Lamrock, Paperposter]

Kelly Lamrock

Kelly Lamrock didn’t see Vegas until he was 40. Now, he goes several times a year. When home in Atlantic Canada, he’s a lawyer, international consultant, and former Attorney-General. When in Vegas, he is consumed by the search for the best craft beer, the perfect sportsbook, and a post-show cigar. He loves Vegas because, as Jerry Seinfeld says, “wherever you’re from, Vegas is pretty much the opposite of that.”